I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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