like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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