The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
