don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
