I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
grandma shit on top of the toilet
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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