i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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