...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
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My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
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YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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