tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
