You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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