i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
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who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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