New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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