You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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