I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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