Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
