just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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