What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants