she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.