I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.