If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.