How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize