the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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