forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
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Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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