Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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