just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
