Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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