Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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