She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
