I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
