everyone is single if you try hard enough
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.