mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.