either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
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I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.