i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?