Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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