i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize