Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
