Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
