Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i can't believe i had my finger in that
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online