Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
be right there i have to get my cape
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.