somebody snuck up and got me drunk
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
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Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
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I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick