I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.