Who wears a wallet chain?!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
