Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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