i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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