it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
