I showed him my bush... on skype.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
we're so committed to being not committed
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
