i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you traded sex for a burrito?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
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My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
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Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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