Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize