A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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