i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
