it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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