I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
