So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
