this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wish you could order shots online.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
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You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
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I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.