Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups