I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers