the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
