my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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