hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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