Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere