i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!