I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
