I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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